I made it back to Tampa in one piece, although really late. I had to call into work since there was no way I was gonna make it back in time. It took way longer then expected to pack up the rest of my stuff from my bedroom and I wasn’t gonna drive home on a few hours of sleep and risk falling asleep driving like I almost did on the way up.
I had such a great time and it was so good to see my friends again and get to hang out. My friend that was married, I haven’t seen him in so long, probably close to a year. I got to hang out with everyone else and do our usual thing. I miss all of that. I miss my parents and especially my mom so much. I cried for almost an hour in bed the night before I had to leave and then again the next morning. I want to move back north and be closer to them. I am seriously considering this in a couple of years. Maybe even sooner, I dunno. Tampa hasn’t quite turned out how I thought it would.
The wedding was so beautiful. It was held in one of the most prestigious churches in Augusta. I had never been inside of it and it was just gorgeous. The bride looked so pretty, she cried while reciting her vows and that just set the tears flowing from my eyes as well. I’m sure everyone saw that but I don’t care. I can’t pick when and where my emotions will flow out anymore. The only slightly big deal is this is the only friend, a best friend at that, that has no clue about Erin. I do plan on telling him in a couple months. I didn’t want to drop that bombshell on him anytime around his wedding. He didn’t deserve that and it would of been selfish on my part.
I swear, I need a cute 4-door car with cruise control soon lol. My little S10 lacks that feature, oh and an automatic transmission is going to be required too since I can’t stand driving the 5-speed I have now. I hate it! I’ll probably never get a new car though, I’ll never be able to afford it since I barely make enough now to support everything in my life. So I’m driving that truck into the ground.
I have to start getting ready for the wedding in an hour. I just wanted to drop a quick note that I got up here safe and I’ve survived two days of hanging out/partying and I’m still alive 
I finally got to sleep in and catch up on much needed sleep. I left Tampa at 6:30am and arrived back home at 2:00pm. I only had like 5 hrs of sleep that night, then had to do the Bachelor party thing that same night and then the rehearsal at 10:00am Saturday. Needless to say, another 5 hrs of sleep that night, so I didn’t feel bad sleeping until 1:00pm today!
I had such a good time this past week. As most of you know, I went back to see my family and friends this past week. I really missed everyone especially my mom. We got to hang out quite a bit. She told me she misses my company and chit chat. I cried again when I had to leave 
My friends house warming party was so much fun too. I am happy for him, moving on in his life and making the plunge into home-ownership. I wish I had a house but there is no way in hell I can afford one now or in the near future. I got to hang out with all of my close friends again which was so nice. I hated to have to leave them all again as well.
Sometimes I wish I didn’t live down here but other times I am happy down here as well. I could be selfish and get everyone to move and live down here with me 
but I’m not like that.
My spent a lot of time with my ex-gf who is one of my closest and best friends. I miss her so much. She has come to accept me pretty much 100% now. She wanted to see my chest lol so I showed her. She was like, you got little titties I am happy she is as comfortable as she is with me. It means a lot to me.
I miss everyone, Steph, Jason and Alita, Chris, Brian and my parents.
Oh ya, I also spent Monday with my mom and my older sister in Atlanta. We brought her an old couch of my parents so she could use it. I also saw my brother before he moved to finish school down in southern georgia. On the way back home, I stopped to see my little sister for a little over an hour and her new place. She lucked out so hard, she has a huge place, some really cool room mates/friends to live with and all for really really cheap.
I’ve decided to drive back home Thursday and spend the weekend plus a day or so next week with my parents. I am looking forward to it. A friend is throwing a house warming party which I am looking forward to and seeing my parents and brother. He leaves next weekend to go to school in southern georgia so I won’t see him much for a while.
I also got to re-register my vehicle tag and renew my drivers license as well. I am not getting a Florida tag or license just yet cause of insurance reasons. I don’t have to get all that done till my birthday in September but I can do it as early as a month in advance and I have to be back in October for a wedding so I am not sure if I want to drive back again in September.
As you can see, I’ve re-designed my site again. It helps me feel better doing things I enjoy and since I still have no job, I need to keep myself occupied. If I don’t, well then I just sort of fall into a hole (one that I’m currently in).
Like the photo? I took it at the beach the other week and just messed around with the hue, saturation, etc…
I think I might go back home this weekend to see my parents and a few friends. I am not for sure yet cause I’d rather of drove back home towards the end of the month but a friend is having a house warming party and I would like to go. So we’ll see.
What a wonderful day it has been! Don’t know if anyone has noticed today but the south has been under a severe ice storm warning. It started raining last night and through out the night. Our power went out around 9:30am and did not get turned back on till 5:00pm. My mom, brother, and I were freezing in the house for 7 hours. I took like 40 pictures outside of all the ice on the trees, vehicles, shrubs, etc… I love the way ice looks. I froze my little hands off though being outside for so long. There are still branches just falling from trees cause of all the ice on them. It is crazy, just left and right you hear cracking and something slamming on the ground. I am worried about one tree in our backyard. It is about twice as high as our two-story house and it is a really skinny-trunked pine tree. Just the top part of the tree has needles and it’s full of ice and leaning over really bad. Unfortuneatly it is leaning towards out house and it looks like it’s cracked about 3/4 the way up the trunk! If it falls it will surely fall on our pool, probably tear up the liner, destroy some of the fence around the pool and it has a good chance of falling on our screened-in porch too. If it doesn’t fall it will have to be taken down either way. More rain is to come and its starting to get windy outside.
Last time we had a bad storm a couple of years ago a tree fell into our pool and messed it up, destroyed the fence and almost hit our house. We have alot of tall trees around the yard and especially in the backyard since it’s mostly wooded behind our house. I may post a few pictures on my Yahoo! profile later if anyone wants to take a look at some of the interesting pictures I took. I like photography and would like to get into it some day for fun.
On a seperate note, I helped a friend move last Saturday. We didn’t finish moving all her stuff but I spent half a day with her helping move all the big stuff since I have a truck and can haul it for her. I don’t mind, I like helping her out. She is one of my best friends. The interesting part of the day was when her, her dad, and I went to Fort Gordon. Her dad is a retired Army Master Sergant so her family buys alot of things on base at the PX (Post Exchange). I hadn’t been on base since 9/11 when they locked it down and didn’t let civilians through. I felt pretty much out of place. I couldn’t actually go into the PX cause I didn’t have a military ID. It’s all tax free in there, that is why you have to be in the military to shop in there. So I sat outside waiting for them to come back out. I like to people watch and watching all the men and women walk by me. LoL I couldn’t help to wonder how many of them are gay or like tg’s since i have chatted with numerous people in the armed services and a couple from Fort Gordon too. There were alot of nerdy looking guys in uniform too lol. Although I suppose since it’s a communications base those types are probably more prevailent. The barber shop was soo funny too. LoL everyone getting a buzz cut. I mean why not right? But it was just humorous to see it. Regardless, me with my out-grown hair, tight jeans on, sitting there watching everyone walk by, I felt uncomfortable and out of place but it was okay. Didn’t get any looks or anything.
To start it off, I have had this little spat in a yahoo group I am a moderator in (well used to be now) and I just can’t win. To me, apparently there are too many people looking for ass in this group and when I was made co-moderator and tried to clean it up a bit, everyone tries to put me into my place. Everything about me being a snob, a skinny, slender girl, can’t look as good as you, I am here to be out of the closet… blah blah blah. I had basically just asked for no porn and XXX advertisemetns in the group, no group email with attachments of people being naked and profiles with a respectful picture (not a shot of their fucking cock). Well I get reemed for asking this, get into a flame war and I am just like fuck it now. I told them I’m outta here and don’t want moderator, and I am about to leave the group. It apparently has no usefulness to me at all since I am tired of spam and horn dogs all the time. Damn pisses me off. I don’t know how many countless perverts and nasty guys have messaged me knowing me from this group and just plain disrespect me. Tired of it and I just don’t care anymore. Fuck this town, I want out. Tired of living in this close minded shit hole of a city with nothing but untrusting and nasty people. I know I can’t say that about everyone but that is how I am about feeling. I am really mad and angry about the whole situation. This has not been a good day and that is what started it off. Been in a pissy mood since reading group messages.
Some might say, why do you care so much or why even care? Well I’ll say is that I try to make a difference. I am tired of all the bullshit and non-caring attitudes towards alot of things on the internet. I know I can’t change the world but I’ll be damned if I can’t make a difference in one yahoo group but apparently I can’t and I’ll be damned. It really sucks cause I just feel I’m being pulled into a downward spiral again of sadness and depression and I don’t need this right now.
I have alot planned for the new year and I want to make it happen. I want to quit drinking by another 50% this year. I quit drinking 66% in the past six months and want to cut it down further. I want to graduate from university this year and get a job and move out of this city. I want to start my life, I want to start a respectable life and I want to make it happen. I’m tired of bullshitting around and being blah. I need to straighten my life out as an adult not as a kid.
Anyway, enlight of the past few days being less then great, I have decided to go to Atlanta and hang out with my TG friends on New Year’s Eve. A friend of mine is having a party at her house that night and I plan to do that. I just want out of the city again for a few days. I don’t go back to school till January 8th and I won’t have a job January 1st so I have some time to kill for awhile. I don’t think I’ll be out on the town at all so I’m sorry if anyone wants to meet me in Atlanta, I won’t be able to since I don’t think I’ll be clubbing at all. If I don’t write again, everyone have a Happy New Year and I hope this coming year treats you and me both with alot of luck and prosperity. God knows I need it.
[Edited]
I appologize for the profane language, I normally do not speak like that but I am just angry and I do not want to go back and change all the words. Accept my apologees again for the language. I’ll probably feel better tomorrow.
My name is Erin. I was not always named Erin and I was not always a girl. One could argue that I am not a girl, perhaps a boy or both; maybe neither.
