I just replied to a friends post touching upon this and it sparked some feelings:
My mom, dad, brother and two sisters found out about my transsexuality Memorial Day weekend, 2003. It’s been close to 3.5 years now.
I will apologize to my parents for giving them such a hard time regarding gender fuck ups towards myself. I was wound up too tight about some things; I suppose it’s only natural to want everyone else to move along at the pace that I have and be caught up to speed instantly even though it took me 20 some-what years to do myself.
There were numerous fights that involved my feelings and their feelings being hurt. There were many tears shed and some unspeakable thoughts that coursed through my mind. That same weekend that I was outted to my family, not by choice, I was told by a friend to give them time. What my friend meant by time was years. She told me it took her parents 5 years to come around and accept her. I thought to myself, ouch, that’s a long time to have to wait.
So I waited. After 3 years of friction, pain and tears, my family now calls me Erin. My parents say I’m their daughter and they aren’t ashamed, scared or confused about how to introduce me to their friends and new people they meet. My siblings have followed in the foot steps of my parents albeit a little longer. When I think about it, it had to be difficult to watch and accept what I did. Come on, I’m a girl now. That’s a fucking big change anyway you look at it.
I have to say thank you for all the shit I put them through and they still came out on top like a shining star. I love my parents and sibling very much and I am lucky to have them. My parents will be visiting me on my birthday for several days next month. I think it’ll be appropriate to tell them in person, thank you.
My parents were in town visiting for the past 5 days. I took Monday and Tuesday off from work to spend more time with them and they left this morning. It was a good visit. No stupid fights that dealt with trans issues this time, thank you!
My parents said that it’s been so long (2 years) since I started transitioning that my transsexuality is old news to them. They said that they just can’t see me any other way other then a female. My mom was like, boy clothes just wouldn’t look right on you anymore. I guess this all came with the more frequent use of my name and the right pronouns. My parents even go as far as saying I’m their daughter now which just makes me tingle with happiness inside.
The big surprise was the talk about sexuality. Now, I figured they would be less disturbed if I dated females. I was wrong. Since they think/see/accept me as a female they think it’s a tad weird that I like girls, ie. being a lesbian/gay. I was astounded that they would rather see me date a man as it is “more normal”. I figured they’d have more of an issue if I did date men lol.
I didn’t feel like getting into the discussion of gender identity does not reflect sexuality but it didn’t bother me either. LoL this was all over dinner at Ruby Tuesday’s as well. My parents keep surprising me.
In October my parents had asked if I would right a letter to my grandparents explaining my transition to them. They felt that I could do a better job then what they told them over the summer. I spent several hours and put together a nice letter for them and printed out several photos of myself as well. I had my therapist, Tori and another friend read my letter and they all thought it was great.
I brought a few more copies with me when I went back to my parents house, for Thanksgiving, incase my parents wanted to send it out to some other relatives. Last night my grandparents called me.
I haven’t felt much like writting about my feelings on here lately. It’s sorta kinda really about who will read this. Not that I really care but I been waiting and thinking on things before just blurting them out.
I guess I’ll start off saying Happy Birthday to me. Today marks my 26th year on this planet 
Tori made a journal entry wishing me a happy birthday, it was so sweet. I just get tickled when I see it. My birthdays haven’t been really that special to me in the past. They just feel like another day ya know? Although today I feel special. Tori makes me feel special and I gave myself a wonderful present. My little sister called me at lunch time to wish me a happy birthday, and her friend jumped on the phone too. It was nice to hear from her since we don’t talk all that much but she’s not a phone talker to begin with. So Happy Birthday to me.
One of my co-workers took me out for lunch. This proved to be interesting because I was planning on going down to the County Courthouse and file my name change. I been filling out the form at work and a few want to know what it is for. I just tell them its for “something”. It’s driving them nuts lol. So anyway, we drive downtown. Now, I have never been in the heart of downtown Tampa and it was really nice. It reminded me of the city life I like 
Although they moved the courthouse because the one I was told to go was under-construction. We walked around looking for an alternate enterance but never found one. On the backside across the street I saw “13th Judicial Circuit Court” on a building and I was like, maybe I gotta go there since that was the website I went to for the forms.
It’s a brand new building, it was really beautiful in exterior architecture and interior was nice. The line wasn’t too long for Family Court filings but I still stood there for a good bit. My co-worker that went with me just walked around looking at stuff so he wasn’t around when I got to the teller window and stated my business for being there. I turned my paper work in and was informed that I needed finger prints as well. I was like WTF, I was never told this on the phone when I called. So anyway, she was like, you can still file the application but just bring us a set of your finger prints. I paid the cashier and was on my way.
My co-worker took off though because he didn’t want a parking ticket so he had to fend off the meter maids lol. So I figure on Monday, I’ll drive downtown to the Police department, get finger printed and run them over to the courthouse. It cost me $267.00 to file the change of name in Hillsborough County. $255.00 for the name change fee and $12.00 for sealing the change of name to the Office of Vital Statistics and the Florida Department of Law Enforcement. I’ll be contacted by mail of a court date after the “Case Management Unit” reviews my file. So far, step 1 complete… Yay!
We then headed for lunch. My little sister called during this time. We went to this mom and pop pizza shop near the SOHO District. It was called Sally’s Pizza Hotline. It’s gourmet pizza and it was the first time either of us had been there. I heard about this place from another co-worker. We had “The Sauceless Pizza”, dough brushed with garlic and oil, extra cheese, pepperoni, sausage, herbs and a dash of herbs. It was so good! It was sweet of him to pick up the tab. By the time we got back to work, 2.5 hours had passed! Kinda long lunch break
I waited till today to file the change of name because I needed to wait for my parents to get back from their trip to Canada. My parents had some info I needed to complete the name change. They arrived back on Wednesday. They drove up to Thunder Bay for a couple weeks because it was my Grandpa’s birthday. I don’t remember how old he is. At any rate because my brother is getting married next summer, they had to tell relatives about my transition. My mom was only planning on telling her sister but she ended up telling everyone since nearly everyone was in town for the birthday! So, all my aunts, uncles and cousins know that I am transgendered and that I am transitioning. Pretty much, my parents said the initial reaction from everyone was good. Nobody had anything negative to comment on and even some expressed concern about how hard it is for me and wanted to know how I am doing. My mom still didn’t tell her mom, my Grandma, because she thinks it will literally kill her. Her sister agrees and to some extent, I think it’s possible.
My Mom’s Mom is 80+, does not speak english, has never driven a car, she is really old school. She is from Finland, as is my mom. I can understand a lot of Finnish when they speak still but I cannot speak it back. It’s tough trying to talk to my Grandma because of it. I am also her favorite. I was the first born from her two daughters and she gave me her wedding band a couple years ago. She told my Mom that she wants to see me get married before she dies. She’s gonna have to know by next summer if she’s coming to the wedding so my Mom is trying to figure out how to go about doing this. It’s great though that for the most part, I have support from all my relatives but it’ll be interesting to see what happens next summer.
Speaking of my brother’s wedding, I feel bad about not being his best man. Not that I want to be a “Best Man” because by then I am gonna be living fulltime going on 6-7 months and I just am not reverting back for special occassions. I just feel bad that he wanted me as his and now he can’t. It upsets me. He asked a friend to be his best man instead, which doesn’t bother me, but his friend wanted to know why he didn’t want me. Well my brother told him about me being a transsexual. His friend was pretty amazed. He was floored, I guess he just had no clue and couldn’t see why. At any rate, I’m not gonna be in the wedding in any capacity. I’m OK with that though, I’m happy that my brother and his now, fiancee are getting married. My brother and sisters are going to be back home for wedding stuff. They have to get fitted for Brides dresses and I guess a tux for my brother. I didn’t even know about this until my older sister told me when I talked to her last week. My mom told me Wednesday. I wish I could be home this weekend, to see everyone and to be back home for my birthday since it’s not going to be eventful being down here.
Well, at least it’s my birthday and I made another step in my transition. To those who are curious what I am changing my name to, I am keeping the first name “Erin” and using my mother’s first name for my middle name, which is “Liisa” and yes there are two “i’s” in her name, it’s not a mistake, it’s Finnish and I’ll be keeping my current last name. So my initials will be ELN. I’ll be the fourth in the family with an LN in the intials. My two sisters initials are BLN and KLN, and my dad is BLN. My Mom is LON and brother is BSN. I’m still gonna go by “Erin James” on the internet though.
Have a great weekend y’all.
He proposed to his girlfriend today. They have been dating for like 5-6 years now. He is the second youngest out of the four of us, the first to be getting married. I’m so happy for them both!!! Wedding is probably going to be summer 2006.
My name is Erin. I was not always named Erin and I was not always a girl. One could argue that I am not a girl, perhaps a boy or both; maybe neither.
