You know I read somewhere that estrogen increases your sensitivity to caffine. Before I started HRT, I could drink several cups of coffee at work and be fine. It’s been a little over 2 years since I been on HRT and I can barely drink one the entire day without feeling all nervous and jittery. Tori suggested I just stop since it could be part of my anxiety feelings. I think she could be right. I’m not gonna drink anymore coffee while I’m at work. Co-workers make the coffee super strong anyhow. I felt fucked up all day yesterday and probably because I had two cups. One in the morning and one in the afternoon.
I don’t particularly care for coffee but it’s free and doesn’t taste like water 
That and I would put enough creme and sugar in my mug to qualify as drinking sugar and creme with coffee.
As of November 3rd I have been on HRT for 2 years now. Where has the time gone?
Last night was the first time I have had a breather to sit down and relax in a week or so. I been busy with work, not that its the only thing but coupled with moving and getting settled in, my free time has been minimal. Last night was the first time I had turned my computer on in a week. I got to chat with a couple of friends which was great and finally catch-up on unreplied emails. Sorry it took so long!
I got to kinda watch a few hours of Law & Order and I cooked some food for the first time since I finally had time to go grocery shopping. Even though it was just some flavored rice, I didn’t feel like getting all involved in something that would take awhile since I didn’t get home till later.
I ended up crying for a couple hours off and on. I mentioned that I was talking to this wonderful and intelligent girl with hopes of dating. We met up Saturday and spent the day together. We both had a great time, well I think I did more so then her but it just wasn’t gonna work out. We ended up breaking it off last night after talking for a couple hours. We decided it would be best if we both didn’t see each other or speak to each other again. It hurt me so much but we both can’t give each other what we want in a relationship so I guess there was no point in trying to make something work that wasn’t. I don’t have any hard feelings towards her and if she ever needs my help I told her I will be here for her but otherwise we are going our seperate ways. She was the first person that liked me and cared about me for who I am, all of me. I’ll get over it.
On another note, my meds are running low and I need a re-order soon but I want to go to injectible estrogen and progesterone. Finding the progesterone (Hydroxyprogesterone Caproate) isn’t a problem, the estradiol valerate (Delestrogen brand name) is. I think I can get the syringes and needles without a problem as well but to the the EV basically require a prescription so I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I guess order some more pills for a short while and try to work on getting my doctor to write me a prescription but I haven’t received my health card yet. I need to be prepared when I see my GP so she’ll be more willing because I haven’t had any therapy nor do I want it but there is a provision in the HBIGDA SoC Sec. VII that lets someone who has already DIYer HRT skip that process so we’ll have to see.
If anyone knows of a place to get EV in injectible form let me know! I would love ya for it 
I want to switch to injectibles because they are cheaper, easier on the liver and require less consumption. It would reduce my pill intake to only 2 pills a day vs. the 9 I currently take.
I’ll get my HRT Diary updated soon, I promise. I so miss my friends and family back home too. I had a reality reload the day before yesterday that gave me an emotional breakdown. Sometimes I think if moving to Tampa was a good idea, I dunno but I’m sort of stuck here for the time being. I suppose being alone for the past 3 years is starting to get to me as well.
I spent the past week in Tampa, FL. My mom came with me as well. I was visiting a really close and best friend. It was so great to see her We had a really great week.
I had never been to the Tampa area before and I was overwhelmed with happiness, joy and just plain… happiness. I loved it down there. The weather, the area, my friend and the beach 
.
On a side note, another order of medication awaited me on the kitchen counter. Cost me nearly $500, of which I don’t have, for more estrogen, androgen blocker and this time I added a progesterone.
I plan to add a little more estrogen and add the progesterone to my regiment and see what happens. You can keep track of the progress over here.
Damn it is late! I can’t sleep either 
I am just recovering from a nasty little stomach virus that apparently is going around. My dad had it, then I got it Thursday night/early Friday morning and now my brother has it. I am feeling much better today. I was in pretty rough shape there for a day and a half.
I suppose I can let you in on a little secret too as well. I have started taking estrogen along with my Spiro. I added the estrogen on March 1st. Right before I did that though, the Spiro alone was starting to let my breasts start developing a little from natural estrogen production in my body. Since the beginning of March I have noticed a little more changes in the nipple areas. I am keeping a more detailed diary of my progress separately from this blogger and it will be incorporated into a new section on my website entitled something to the effect of HRT. Don’t look for it soon though lol, I will put that in with my new site that I haven’t started on yet but when I find time I’ll get my scratch notes from paper onto the web some day.
Anyway, besides that I am doing alright as a whole. Kinda feel a little down though because I don’t feel I have lived up to my parents expectations yet and having my younger siblings surpass me (I think) in achievements. That and my mom telling me that she always thought I’d be the one who was supposed to get it straight first. I suppose its all not that big of a deal, maybe I am just over-exaggerating in my mind. I just feel like I wish things would have progressed a tad bit more then they have. Like, for instance, graduating from school sooner then I am. Oh well, lets see if I can fall asleep now. Good night everyone.
So, what happened yesterday? I finished my first bottle of Spironolactone, 10,000mg later I can say that I know for sure it is working. I have one more bottle left and I have been debating what to do with the next order. I’ll let you in on the debate. I don’t have much money, and I really prefer not to go to a therapist because I really just don’t need to. I have heard that being under a doctor’s care and maybe having prescriptions covered by insurance is still more expensive then do it yourself method. Although, having the testing done and getting it covered by the insurance company would be a major plus. So I am thinking that I might start my hrt early and do it myself for awhile and then go to a doctor and give him the old SoC harm reduction clause deal. Harm reduction means that if you have already been taking hormones, it leaves the doctor with less liability if he/she prescribes them for you (in a nut shell). You can read it yourself too if you go to The Harry Benjamin website and read the SoC. I still need to talk with my parents about this too since I want to include them in all my decisions.
On a seperate note, I am worried about my sister.
[deleted]
We don’t talk much but I am here for you and I want you to be happy just like you want me to be happy.
[deleted]
I support your decision too. I love you.
That’s all for now, Erin.
Just think, another year has gone by again. I cannot believe how fast time went by. I have my grandparents visiting us for a couple of weeks which is cool but I gotta be careful so they don’t find out unwanted stuff about me right now. I had to clean up my room of girl stuff and my bathroom and heaven forbid anyone goes into my closet cause then the cat will be let out of the bag.
Of course Erin wasn’t going to get anything from anyone this year so I had to spoil her I went out Christmas shopping and you know, shopping lol. I just saw soo much cute stuff and onsale I bought her a new purse, boots, leather jacket, jeans, and two tops. I spent alot this Christmas but I also bought my sisters, brother and parents gifts too. Tonight we are having dinner and then I am going to head out and hang out with some friends.
If y’all wonder how the spiro is going so far I’ll give you an update. Even just after a few short weeks, well a month now, I have noticed I think slower hair growth, not much but a little but then again I am not sure but it seems like it lol. One big change is a loss of libido which I welcome. It’s so great that the little guy downstairs never stands at attention unless I make him lol. Not that I want it but I have to physically make him stand up. I pretty much never think about it anymore, it’s great. I had upped my dosage to 200mg/day a week ago. I had started at 100mg/day, went to 150mg, then 200mg/day in the past month. I just want to kill all that nasty testosterone in my body, its icky!
My name is Erin. I was not always named Erin and I was not always a girl. One could argue that I am not a girl, perhaps a boy or both; maybe neither.
