I’m a picture whore tonite 
Photos taken after dinner.
This is kinda how dinner went:
Dinner was at Maggiano’s Little Italy. The owner (of the place I work at) had reserved a private room for all of us. I work at a company that has like maybe 20 employees now so it was a nice little crowd. Open bar, and the bar was in the room too! Three tables were set-up and we had to draw numbers from a hat to find out which table we’d sit at.
Maggiano’s is a nice restaurant. No jeans or polo shirts allowed. I thought this would be a perfect occassion to wear a new dress I had purchased a few months ago on sale. I think this dress went for like $80 but I waited long enough and snagged it onsale (by chance) for $15! Anyhow, I was a little nervous. The clothes I wear to work are jeans and some sort of top. I wear a variety of tops, some cute, some kinda casual and sometimes I wear makeup to work. If I got time in the morning and I’m not tired, I’ll put some color on my eyes, etc…
I got some compliments on how I looked. Bascially, “Erin you look really good tonite” or “Erin, that dress is so pretty!”. It definately made me feel better. I was in like ultra femme/girly mode tonite and showing myself off Not like there was anyone to really impress except for myself 
I think that some people I work with are learning quite a bit about trans people just through me. I don’t reflect the Jerry Springer type trans stereotype that most people know of.
The food was absolutely fantastic. I introduced Tori to several people and we all chit-chatted a bit. I would really love to go back to that restaurant sometime. It’s definately a tad expensive but wow, awesome food. I tried a little bit of everything that was on the menu. Basically, there were three tables for all of us to sit at and they brought out the plates full of food for each table. It was sorta like help yourself and take what you want deal. Like at a dinner table.
Tori and I had a great time. It is so much fun to go out and socialize. I miss it so much and I love every opportunity I can get!
There really isn’t much to report. The first week went pretty much like any other, at least from my point of view. I was a little (just a little) on edge all week but everyone else has been so wonderful. I was surprised that like everyone else at work made a great effort all week in calling me Erin and using her/she. It really did make me happy but was just a tad weird to hear it coming from like my boss
After my first day at work as me!
So how did it go? Well, it went pretty good actually. There isn’t a whole lot of stuff to say really. I got up this morning, got dressed and put a little bit of makeup on. I was going for a non-overbearing look but enough to be like, “Hi, I’m Erin!”
I pulled up to work and sat in my vehicle for a few minutes thinking… wow, I’m actually about to do this. Before today, I thought about what it would be like to be caught at work in girl clothes and now here I am, about to walk into work looking like a total chick! So I stepped out and walked up to the back door and unlocked it. I took a deep breath and walked in. I normally park in the back and go in the back door because my office is like right there after you open the door, so this wasn’t unusual.
I turned my computer on and read office email. I learned that several people were to be out today. I sat at my desk, didn’t talk to anyone for about 20 minutes. Then one of my friends walked in (one that I had told before hand about myself) and was like “HI!” I was actually relieved to see him. It wasn’t awkward because he has met me before as “Erin”.
Then slowly but surely I eventually talked to everyone else in the office. I was hesitant at first but after I said hi and spoke a few words I started to get settled in. I talked in my andro voice as much as I could. I am trying to keep at a certain level/tone for now to get used to it. On the bright side, no body gave me any awkward stares or really acted weird. I think one or two co-workers had a tad bit of difficulty looking at me like they normally did but it wasn’t a big deal.
Besides my two friends at work who I told before, only one other co-worker called me Erin today and it was actually a surprise to me it came from him. It was right as I was leaving, he said: “Good night Erin.” I replied back to him, Good night and left with a smile on my face. All in all, it was painless and not that awkward. We’ll see how the next few days to weeks go but I think it will be OK.
[edit]
Oh ya, officially day 1 of living fulltime!!!
The work day is now over. I am home and still in one piece. Today was like every other day at work except now every body else knows that I am a transsexual and in transition. Nobody said anything trans related to me today. Everyone was just like normal usual and talked to me like usual about the usual stuff. They were each told individually by the owner and my boss.
So I have tomorrow at work, then I’m off Wednesday thru Monday for Thanksgiving. The next date is set, November 29th. This day, the day I return to work from the holidays is the first day I will step foot into work as nothing but me, the woman I am. I am pretty nervous about that.
Leaving to go see Bodies The Exhibit at MOSI with Tori and her parents.
About a year ago I set a goal to be living full-time by the end of this
year. A few months ago I made a goal to come out at work in
October or November. About a month and a half ago, I set a
timeframe to come out at work. A few weeks ago, I set a day to do
it.
On October 18th I sent the owner of the company I work for an email
asking for a period of time that him and I could talk privately.
I mentioned it was rather important but didn’t say why. He is
normally in and out of the office all week, so he doesn’t really hold a
set schedule. He replied and said that Wednesday (October 19th)
was better for him then either Thursday or Friday. This worked
out since I was planning on Wednesday anyhow. The meeting was
set, 2:00 PM Wednesday, October 19th 2005.
The next day rolled around and I was feeling a little bit
nervous. I did my work as usual and sort of forgot about
it. I glanced at the clock and it was 1:30 PM, I instantly got
all butterflied inside. When two o’clock rolled around I had to
get myself together and it took me actually a minute or two before I
could knock on his office door. My therapist suggested that I
bring an updated resume with me and a photo so he could see what I
looked like. I didn’t bring a resume, I figured it was not needed
and I saved a photo of myself on my hard drive network share for later.
I sat down and basically was straight out with it. There wasn’t
really any beating around the bush with this subject. I started
off saying something to the tune of there being another part of my life
that you ‘nor anyone else knows about but I want to share it with
everyone… blah, blah, blah… I am transgendered. His
expression on his face didn’t change, he just leaned back in his chair
a bit.
He asked me a few questions, like one was how long have I felt this way
and another was if I was going to have a sex-change operation. He
told me in advance that I didn’t have to answer any questions if I
didn’t want to but I”m very open about things and answered and gave
input on everything. I was so nervous the first like 5 minutes
talking to him, I was shaking but after that I settled right in and was
able to look at him longer when I spoke.
Basically, he wants to make my transition at work as smooth as possible
for me. We talked about some of the other employees and how they
would react, we both agreed that everyone should be OK with it and not
have any issues. If anything comes up, like any harrassment
or inappropriate behavior, he said he would deal with it accordingly
and that nobody should bring that kind of stuff to his office and if it
comes down to it, they would be let go. I was thrilled that I
have his full support!
We both agreed that it would be a good idea if he would talk to my boss
for me. I had no problem with that He also told me that
he has never been in a situation quite like this before lol that this
is all new to him. He asked me to get some advice from my
therapist about how the best way handling my transition at work with
other employees (mainly telling how to tell them) employees. I
told him that wasn’t a problem. I showed him my photo from when I
went to court for my name change and he said that I make a rather
attractive young lady That comment put such a huge smile on my
face!
Later that afternoon I went looking for my boss because I had a
question, I couldn’t find him. The owners door was shut and I
could hear some talking. I couldn’t tell what about but I
recognized my boss’ voice. So I assume he told him that
afternoon. Later when my boss came to see me that evening, it was
a tad awkward. I knew he knew but I don’t think he knew I knew he
knew LOL (Seinfield moment). I couldn’t stop like
grinning/smiling at him and he had this huge smile on his face
too. He just said a few things about the current project I was
working on and then good night.
The next step was all three of us together talking about how to handle
the rest of the employees. As you all already know, two of my
co-workers already know about me and are totally cool with it. I
never told the owner that they know, figured it wasn’t really important
information. So a week and a half later, today, all three of us
had that meeting.
OMG, it was almost just as awkward again because now I would be facing
my boss talking about my transition. For the past week and a half
the owner and my boss didn’t treat me any different, they were both
just normal and really cool. The big topic today was how to go
about telling everyone else.
My boss stands on the same ground as the owner goes about my
transition. He fully supports me and that this has no effect on
my work performance and that is why I work there. Basically, I am
a valuable employee not because of who I am but because of how I work
which is the way it should be. We talked about legal stuff,
mainly my name change. They were curious about how all that work
because I am not a citizen. I told them that I have to wait for
the BCIS to change my residency documents to reflect my new name before
I can change my identification and financial accounts. Which by
the way, I haven’t heard back from the BCIS about my application for a
replacement green card.
The line of thinking so far is to tell each other co-worker
individually. Take them in one-by-one and have my boss/owner tell
them about my transition pending any extra or better advice I get from
my therapist (which I see tomorrow morning). They think this is a
better approach because a group setting might hinder some people from
speaking up and asking questions. I told them that I have no
problem answering questions as I am very open about my transsexualism
and transition. We set a date, November 21st, to tell everyone
else. Why so long? Well, over half of the employees are
going to be gone for the next 3 weeks on a business trip up north to
work out details with a new client we signed. This client is huge
and will bring a lot of money and work into the office which is
good.
They also asked me when I wanted to change my appearance at work, ie.
come to work in female attire. I told them, the last week in
November or the first week in December, sometime in that narrow
timeframe. It’s funny though, half of the clothes I was wearing
today at work were female. My jeans from Express and these cute
running shoes. Not sure if anyone notices or not. I’ll let them
know a more exact day when it gets closer to that time and when I am
ready to.
It’s like OMG what did I do??? LOL. It’s actually a really great
feeling though to be moving forward with my life. I never thought
I’d be where I am at even as little as 3 years ago. 3 years ago I
thought transition was impossible for me to do for many of the same
reasons that worry people now that aren’t sure if they want to. I
set a goal to live full-time by the end of this year and I am going to make it happen.
For those of you that work or have worked retail know what this means 
My god, I had to be at work at 5am!! I didn’t get to sleep till sometime around 12:30am and had to be up at 4am so I could get to work on time. I worked from 5am till 6pm and it was such a mad house. At 5am when I got to work there was like a 100 people standing in line waiting to get into the store when it opened at 6am. I’ve never seen the store soooo busy before! The first 3 hours were just nuts. I had to do a little register work and I had one guy who bought 7 computers! They were on sale for $799.99 each, he ended up paying nearly $6000 on one ticket.
I couldn’t tell ya how many people bought like 15-20 DVDs! We had a lot that were on sale for like $4.99 and many $20+ movies at half price. I didn’t end up buying anything since I don’t really even have the money to spend on great sales like that. I wish I did 
I am soooo tired right now. Still going on with 3.5 hrs of sleep. They bought pizza at work and I was just soooo hungry; I ate like 8 pieces throughout the afternoon. I feel soo guilty for eating soo much crap food but I love pizza and I was hungry from not eating in like 9 hrs.
I am going to crash hard here shortly. I gotta be up in the morning for my therapy session as well. I am probably going to go out tomorrow night as well so I need some rest
But isn’t it usually like that for me? So, my night job has now kicked into Christmas season hours so I’m working till 10 PM now. Same amount of hours still because instead of a 12-7 shift on Sundays, they got me doing a 3-7 now which is much better Maybe I can do something Saturday nights now since I have Saturdays off I’d like to go out but I really don’t have anyone to go out with. Val works a lot and she doesn’t really do any clubs except for lesbian ones. I’m not so sure how much I wanna go to a lesbian club. I’m also afraid to go out by myself as well. I really would like to do something though.
So what’s all that fuss about that Monday night football intro? I’ll say it is such a load of shit that people are pulling such the moral trump card these days. It’s like you can’t do anything now without someone getting offended its not morally right. People are getting so stupid I swear. It’s pissing me off hearing about it all week.
My name is Erin. I was not always named Erin and I was not always a girl. One could argue that I am not a girl, perhaps a boy or both; maybe neither.
